The Sorrow

A colleague's grandmother passed away recently. It brought to mind the passing of my own grandmother last year, about the same time as well.

I have, at most, 4 persons in my life who have acted as the guides in my life and indeed, can directly be attributed with saving my life - my mother, my grandmother, my wife, and Cloud.

The passing of my grandmother left a huge gaping hole in my heart, one that could not be filled because she was just so unique, so kind and had such a strong presence.

But with her passing, I also have no grandparents left. It is a difficult time in one's life when one no longer has any grandparents. Relatives like your uncles and aunties no longer feel as obligated to visit, and grandchildren are, well, less of 'grandchildren' as they are 'so-and-so's son or daughter.

The inadequacy of prayer, the fervent and feverish begging to a divine entity - all to no avail, suggested to me that it was all a placebo, and was at least part of the reason I have turned atheist. Not just agnostic, because that means I still believe there IS a god.

It is always somewhat unbelievable to me that there are people who revel in tragedy and hope for their lives to become one. If I had a choice, I would not have chosen this lot for myself - the depersonalisation, the years spent in pursuing an education that should have been made available to me a good decade ago, and recently my spreading vitiligo.

It's odd how humans work.